Traditional or Modern Wedding?

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Here is a joke about making the choice between a traditional or a modern wedding. This little funny story could be adapted for use in a either a Father of the Bride or Best Man speech.

A young couple were looking forward to the big day. They had met the vicar and set a date for the wedding.  During the course of their meeting the vicar asked them if  they would prefer a modern or a traditional service.  They thought carefully and decided to have a modern service.  On the day of the wedding there was a terrible storm. It was so bad that the groom had  to abandon the car and make the rest of the journey to church on foot.  It was torrential rain and the streets were flooded. He rolled up his trousers in an attempt to keep them dry.  Inevitably he was late at the church and was immediately immediately hustled up the aisle just as the ceremony was starting.  The vicar looked at him and whispered: “Pull down your trousers.”  The groom smiled nervously and stuttered : “Er,er, actually, Vicar, I’ve changed my mind.  I think could we just have the traditional service?”

Retain the story line but put it into your own words and use the names of your own bride and groom. Keep the punch line the same. Have fun!

Have you got any really good wedding jokes? Share them using the comment section below.


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Wedding Planners Are Only For Rich People!

A wedding carriage in Bristol, England

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OK, if you are on a very tight budget then you are unlikely to be thinking about hiring a wedding planner. On the other hand even your average wedding these days costs quite a lot of money. You are making a big investment in one very special day. You want to have a perfect day. Can you afford to take any chances.

Here are some of the ways a professional wedding planner can help you :

  1. Choosing a venue To suit your requirements taking into account the number of guests you will have and the kind of setting which appeals to you and the area in which the wedding is to take place. They will be familiar with most of the popular venues and can talk to you about them.
  2. Advice on catering Whether to have silver service, a buffet, how many courses etc and give recommendations on hotels, restaurants, chefs and catering companies.
  3. Wedding suppliers They will have an extensive list of companies and individuals who specialise in weddings and they will know what kind of service they offer and approximate price ranges. They will know lots of people in the business and will be able to source things quickly for you.
  4. Wedding etiquette Advice on wedding customs and procedure. Of course you don’t have to stick to tradition. After all it’s your wedding but it’s nice to be able to discuss how things are usually done so that you can make an informed decision.
  5. Time planning How to organise and plan your day. Having a clear outline of what is going to happen, getting it all in order and tying it all together takes careful thinking. Having an experienced professional to assist is invaluable.
  6. Wedding decor Choosing colours, fabrics, dresses, flowers etc and making sure everything is coordinated is another important area. It’s not easy to visualise these things but a wedding planner will have done it all before many times and can tell you straight away what will go with what.
  7. Ideas and inspiration A wedding planner will have lots of great ideas to fire up your imagination and inspire you. There will probably be things you had never even thought of.
  8. Time saving A good wedding planner can save you so much time. They can help you make all the important decisions and cut down on days and days of running around trying to find what you want.
  9. Peace of mind When you plan your own wedding there is always that nagging doubt in your mind. Have I forgotten anything. Will this be right? Is this going to work? Did I make the right decision about this or that? If you have used a good wedding planner then you can relax knowing that everything has been covered.

All of this sounds fantastic but all of this amazing help and advice is going to have to be paid for. Is it only for rich people? My advice is to make some enquiries. Like just about everything else there are horses for courses and it depends on what you want and how much you are prepared to spend to get it. If you are having a massive wedding with all the frills you really do need a wedding planner. If you are having a more modest affair its still worth getting a quote. You might be pleasantly surprised.

Hiring a wedding planner could be the best move you ever made. Let me know your thoughts on wedding planners using the comments section below.

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Dirty Dancing!

I love this You Tube video. It’s been watched by well over two million people. What a great atmosphere. One word sums it up…EXCELLENT!


Fast Tube by Casper

If anyone is planning anything like this and would like a Toastmaster to introduce it, PLEASE CALL ME!!!!

How To Quickly Resize Your Wedding Photos

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With the advent of digital cameras we all take more photos than ever before. It’s so easy to click away and with memory cards able to store hundreds if not thousands of pictures there is no stopping us!

Weddings are very photo hungry affairs and it’s easy to find yourself clicking away like mad, especially at the reception or evening do. The Honeymoon is also bound to result in quite a collection of cherished photographic memories.

The problem with accumulating photos in such large numbers is the editing afterwards. This can be very time consuming.

Even more of a consideration is storage. The average file size is between 2 and 3Gb. Having hundreds and hundreds of photos on your computer hard drive is using up a lot of space and this can eventually affect the performance of your PC or Lap Top. If you are going to keep photos on your computer consider reducing the file size. This also helps if you want to upload pictures to the Internet or email them to friends.

A very useful piece of FREE software is  called Photo Re-sizer It is ‘open source’   which means you don’t have to pay anything but you are invited to make a donation to the owner if you are pleased with the product. This software is great because it allows you to bulk resize your photos all in one go thus saving you a great deal of time and effort. It’s is very easy to set up. Here’s how :

To use Photo Resizer follow these steps :

  1. Go to the web site http://www.rw-designer.com/picture-resize and download the software onto your computer.
  2. Once installed go to All Programs on your Start Menu, click to view the list, find Photo Resize and drag and drop the icon to your desk top.
  3. Put all of the photos you wish to resize together into their own folder if they are not already in one.
  4. Reduce the window so that you can see both your photo folder and the picture-resize icon on your desk top.
  5. In your photo folder, Select all
  6. Drag all of your photos from their folder and drop them on the Photo Resize icon on your desk top.
  7. A black dialog box will appear on your desk top. This is normal.
  8. Bulk resize starts automatically. Check your photo folder and you will find a new copy of each picture at a much reduced size.
  9. Close the black box when the process is complete.
  10. All your photos should now be optimised to a new much smaller size in just a few minutes.

This process is very quick and easy. You will now have two copies of each picture, the original plus the optimised one. You might want to experiment with a small number of photos to try it out.

To adjust the size of the final image just rename the icon, changing the number at the end. I have changed mine to PhotoResize800.exe which reduces the file size from 2Gb to about 65Kb which is perfect for web sites or email.

Try different settings ie PhotoResize600.exe or PhotoResize400.exe and see what you get.

There may be some loss of picture quality but you will have to find which setting you are happy with.

I hope you find this article useful. If you do decide to try this out I’d love to know how you get on.

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How To Make Sure Everyone Signs The Guestbook

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Most couples do like to have a Guest Book at their wedding reception. It is customary for everyone present to write a note conveying their best wishes and often appending an appropriate sentiment or sometimes a humorous remark. The Guest Book is an important memento of the wedding day not only providing a record of who attended but also a wonderful reminder of a very happy occasion. It is therefore essential to ensure everyone remembers to make an entry.

Sometimes the Guest Book is placed on a table near to the entrance to the function room or at some venues there is a special pedestal which can be positioned in a prominent place. It needs to be somewhere that is in full view and where it is easily accessible. A pen should be provided.

It is a good idea to ask a trusted person to take charge of the Guest Book and ensure that all present do write something in it. If you do not have a Toastmaster then the Best Man or one of the ushers would be ideal.

The most effective way to ensure that everyone signs the Guest Book is to have it passed round the tables during the wedding breakfast. Providing that this begins as soon as the guests sit down it should be completed before the speeches begin ( assuming that they will be taking place after the meal ).

I do recommend that thought is given to the Guest Book as it would be a terrible disappointment afterwards to find that some of the guests had been missed out.

Do you have any other suggestions regarding the Guest Book? Share your thoughts and ideas by making a comment below.

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Wedding Rehearsal

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A funny story about a wedding rehearsal and how the grooms plan backfires on him :

During the wedding rehearsal, the groom asked the priest for a quiet word. He took him to one side and whispered  “I’ll give you £100 if you change my wedding vows”.  When you come to the place where I have to promise to love, honour and obey and ‘forsaking all others, be faithful to her for ever’, I’d like you to miss that section out.”  The priest reluctantly agreed thinking that the £100 would come in handy for church funds.

The wedding day duly arrived and the groom smiled to himself in anticipation. Eventually it was time for the couple to take their vows. All went as planned until  the priest looked at the groom and said : “Will you promise to obey her every command and wish, serve her breakfast in bed every morning, and swear that you will never look at another woman?”  The groom was horrified.  “you’ve said the wrong words, I thought we had a deal,” he hissed.  “Yes,” whispered the priest quietly  pressing the £100 into the groom’s hand.  “But the bride made me a better offer.”

There are plenty of jokes and stories like this which can be adapted or changed to provide humorous material for a wedding speech.

Do you have any good wedding jokes or stories? Share them here using the comment section below.

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Hog Roasts for Weddings or any Special Occasion

Here is some useful information on Hog Roasts from guest contributor and Hog Roast expert Lee Dawson:

Hi I’m Lee Dawson owner and head chef of Bouncing Hogs n Bars, Yorkshire. This article i hope will be of some considerable use to anyone whom may be thinking of having a hog roast for their wedding or special occasion. I have been heading up Bouncing Hogs n Bars for about 4 years now carry out about 450ish events each and every year. We are passionate about our hog roasts, and believe in good honest food. So what makes a good hog roast? Well we get asked this a lot and our answer is simply ‘pulled pork’. Pulled pork is an American term that means to any chef worth his whites; meat that is tender, in fact so tender it falls from the bone, but not dry, it has to be moist with all the natural juices of the crackling and meat still there when you cut into the hog. (The cooking method for this we keep secret) Then on the outside of the hog the crackling should be a nice dark golden brown in colour slightly salted to ensure a delicious crisp finish. The results for your wedding or special occasion will be evident from the comments you will receive from your guests, these will be; “that’s the best tasting pork I have ever tasted” or “I have never tasted pork as nice as that” these are comments that we get on every event that we do.

Hog Roast by Bouncing Hogs n Bars

Delicious Hog Roast by Bouncing Hogs n Bars

Hog roasts provide a centre piece for any occasion but for weddings is perfect as guests can gather around it to see it cooking and finishing off. This is perfect because it gives guests that all important topic of conversation that will make your wedding or special occasion one that they will remember for years to come. Thinking of having a hog roast? You should ensure that the company you use for a hog roast has;

Being VAT registered is not really required but another good sign of a reputable company or business.

  • They use CE approved machines, this is for two reasons; In order to have adequate insurance the ovens/machines need to have a gas certificate and that can only be given if the machine is CE approved.
  • They should be registered with the local Environmental Health Office, therefore having strict procedures to follow for handling and cooking food.
  • All staff should have a minimum of basic food handling and hygiene certificates along with at least one person holding an advanced certificate
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Wedding Video Yes Or No?

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When it comes to wedding planning,  budget is often a deciding factor. There are certain essentials that must be included. Lets face it you are going to have to have a wedding dress and a wedding cake! Often it’s a matter of making a list and then going down it and sorting out the must haves from the maybes or the we can do withouts.

Although most couples do engage the services of a professional photographer, not every couple choose to have a professional videographer to make a wedding video. Perhaps this is on the grounds of cost or perhaps they just don’t feel the need.

Even if there is no full wedding video I do think it’s a good idea to film the speeches. I have witnessed many speeches and naturally they vary enormously. Some are highly polished, well written and entertaining, others are verging on the painful. This is not a criticism as I admire anyone who is not used to public speaking for having the courage to stand up and have a go. Whether the speech is good or bad in terms of content and delivery there are going to be some classic moments and you never know what these are going to be. It could be an incredibly funny joke which brings the house down, a brilliant ad lib or a very warm and moving expression of tenderness and love. These moments cannot be captured in a photograph. Only a video will do.

My first choice would always be to hire a professional videographer if you can stretch to it. They will have all the right equipment to do the job properly. They will have proper microphones to ensure good sound quality and so on. They will also be geared up for editing to your satisfaction.

An alternative to hiring a professional is to find a friend who films as a hobby. This is not ideal but is better than no video at all. You might strike it lucky and find someone who does a first class job but a hobbyist is unlikely to have the kind of equipment used by a professional or the experience and expertise.

As a last resort you could ask one or two of your guests to take some video for you. All digital cameras can do video these days and somebody is bound to have a camcorder. This is a bit of a lucky dip approach but it’s better than nothing.

When I got married ( it seems a very long time ago ) I had an army friend who was doing wedding videos on the side. He very kindly offered to film my wedding. He did a great job and I am eternally grateful to him. Unfortunately he had to leave before the wedding breakfast was over. My Best Man made a brilliant speech and there is no record of it. Sadly it’s lost forever.

If you are going through the decision making process and you have reached wedding video, yes or no. My advice is a definate YES.

Share your thoughts on wedding videos here. Is it a yes or a no and why?

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A Most Romantic Proposal

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I was once asked to help organise the setting  for a very romantic proposal of marriage. The gentleman concerned wanted to do something very special for the lady in his life. He had arranged to bring his intended up to Richmond, Yorkshire for a weekend break but of course she knew nothing of his plans. He had hired the Culloden Tower which is a beautiful historic building standing on top of a small hill close to the town centre and overlooked by the castle. The Tower is  surrounded by beautiful woodland with the lovely River Swale meandering past at the bottom of the hill.

His idea was to arrive on the Friday evening and cook a dinner for two and afterwards, pop the question.

Culloden Tower is a ” Folly ” now owned by a trust and  available for private hire. Some very famous people have stayed there. Although it is near to the town centre it is secluded, being in its own grounds which are surrounded by a high stone wall. There are wrought iron gates and a private drive leading up the hill to the entrance. It’s very picturesque.

The gentleman requested that we decorate the rooms inside with heart balloons. He wanted the wow factor when they first walked in to the place. My wife Hazel has very good taste and as she is a qualified balloon decorator she was able to make up some delightful arrangements which we placed in the entrance and in the lounge and dining room.

Finally he asked for a bag piper in full regalia to stand on the hill beneath their window to play during the meal

The weather was perfect. It was a warm summers evening and the piper played as the sun set. It could not have been any more romantic than this.

Oh to be a fly on the wall. I wish I could have been there to see the lady’s reaction when he made the proposal. I do know she said yes. Did he go down on one knee. I have to imagine he did but I guess I’ll never know.

Have you a good story about a wedding proposal?  What’s your idea of a romantic proposal?

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The Happy Couple

If you are the Father of the Bride or The Best Man you will be talking about the happy couple in your speech. Here are a few funny lines you might like to include or adapt to raise a laugh.

They’re such a busy couple; he’s never found her in and she’s never found him out.

They’ve worked out a great way of settling arguments; he admits he’s wrong, and she admits she’s right.

They married for better and for worse; he couldn’t have done better, she couldn’t have done worse.

They have a pre-nuptial agreement……..nothing complicated – He’s going to wash and she’s going to dry.

If you know any more like this please add them in the comments section below. Thanks, Ron.

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